275 Days to Self Discovery…

I have been going through a bit of a personal evolution lately.. I’ve been opening myself up to new things, looking for opportunities where I may not have looked before, and really trying to shed my winter skin.  I have always been a seasonal person.  I know many people do not believe in someone’s emotions changing with the seasons but until you experience the highs of being outside with the wind in your hair in warm weather and then fight through major cabin fever in a winter like we’ve just seen, you just don’t understand.  So I have decided as part of this ongoing personal project to throw caution to the wind and start this blog.  I am hoping that through this I can open myself up to even more things and reawaken my senses (my sense of self, my passion for living, and a refreshed understanding about the world around me).  Before I go on, let me explain a little about myself and what lead me to this point.  Have you ever had all the right pieces in place in your life but there’s still something missing?  That’s where I am right now.  Everything is lining up nicely in my life.  I truly have nothing to complain about but internally there is a constant battle between my thoughts and my emotions.  I have been on a roller coaster ride for much of my adolescent and young adult life and I am determined to take the reins.  

I could go into detail about how I’ve been battling my inner critic since I was in elementary school but for now I’ll spare the details.  That may come at a later point.  I will say, however, that I have always been the type of person that can adapt to a variety of people and situations… and where I love that about myself, it isn’t necessarily conducive to self discovery.  Once I feel like I know who I am something changes in my life (some factor that I didn’t really even consider before) that causes my foundation to give way to someone that’s left with missing pieces.   After more than 15 years of this, I am simply.. spent.  I am making it a bit of a mission to take the remainder of this year to find out exactly what makes me tick.  I feel a bit like Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride; I am going to find out what type of eggs I like, an author I simply can’t put down, and my favorite music to listen to.  I am going to make these decisions without fear of criticism from others and I am going to own my choices.  I am so eager to learn about myself and figure out my passions so that, hopefully, by the end of this year I am able to move forward without fear and doubt… Like I said, “throwing caution to the wind!”  

The first step in this personal challenge is taking on new things in my life.  I have made the decision to begin training to teach fitness classes at a local gym and also to take a calligraphy course at a local high school.  Two things I’ve wanted to do for quite some time but for some reason have held myself from.  Not anymore.  No harm can come from doing something new but a whole heck of a lot of harm can come from sitting idle.  I’m tired of sitting idle in my life…  So here goes nothin’! 

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