Planning.

Another year is upon us. This new year brings back all the good and bad memories from 2014 and also presents the hope that in the next 365 (well, actually 338) days we are able to improve upon our circumstances or ourselves. This is how I am choosing to look at it at least (forcibly directing my thoughts). Please do not get me wrong, I am incredibly fortunate in my life. But does anyone else suffer from debilitating self-doubt and/or the feeling that there is something more?  Because I do and I am tired of it.

That is where my revised journey begins. I plan to build off what I was able to learn last year and continue down a path of light. Now, this all seems great and easy but when your thoughts tend to drift negatively about who you are, both mentally and physically, it can cause a tremendous amount of grief (for my loved ones as well as myself). I started this blog as an artistic outlet, fully aware that my mother and one or two friends that happened to click on the link attached to my Instagram would be my only readers. I failed my blog and my self-discovery challenge because I simply didn’t put in the work necessary to nurture them.  So in 2015, I am vowing to myself and my three readers that I will work at my goals this year.

I have looked back on the goals that began my initial challenge and created new goals for this year. Much of what I said I wanted out of the blog last year still rings true (which is further proof that I miserably failed). Here is a summary of what went wrong last year: I grew busy. I started my calligraphy course with fresh pens and graph paper but quickly realized that they were teaching a style very Medieval and I just wasn’t interested in calligraphing the title to Dungeons and Dragons to show my friends. I started at the gym which promised to be a great coming together of two of my passions, exercising and being with people, but it fizzled after a few months because of communication issues. My family went through a major change with the loss of my grandfather and anxiety began creeping back in to my already fragile/critical mind. I stopped writing. Now I don’t want you to think that I didn’t enjoy 2014 because I did. There were a lot of wonderful things that happened: I traveled (California in June for friends’ wedding and the Dominican Republic in November for my cousin’s wedding), I loved, I grew in my career and received a promotion in November after a lot of hard work, I became more financially stable than I’ve ever been, and I remained healthy for another year (something I truly value above other things). As I said earlier in this post, the new year reminds us of all the highs and lows.

Nonetheless, I still notice (with an ever present nagging feeling) that there is something missing in my life so here is what I am hoping to accomplish in the next 337 days:

  1. Blog at least once per week
  2. Read one new book per month (completely exclusive of the audiobooks I am now hooked on while I drive for work)
  3. Purchase a calligraphy book (in the style I want) and practice until I am able to write my name and address (almost) flawlessly
  4. Text less, Call more
  5. Study and practice yoga at home so that I am able to come back to a place of light after a long day at work
  6. Volunteer regularly (particularly serving the population my company serves)
  7. Learn why I am worthy of love and how to fully love myself
  8. Be a better friend
  9. Lather, Rinse, Repeat

Each of these goals is broad but also measurable so I believe I will be able to achieve them.  I hope you are able to see/feel/believe #7 in your own life and may be willing to share your thoughts on how you got to such a point in your life. I also hope you will come along with me on my new journey. I am open…

All my love,
S

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