Seeking Faith

I have been struggling with something lately. If you read my last post, you know that I have been putting up with the nagging feeling that something is missing in my life. For quite some time now, I have become more interested in my faith.  As I get older, I realize that spirituality is very important to me.  This has all slowly become apparent to me each time I attend church as an adult.  I cry.  I cry every single time and I have no explanation as to why except that I feel an overwhelming peace when I am there (and for an over-thinker this is an incredible relief).  The trouble is that when I leave, I question the validity of what I felt.  In my late 20s, I have found it hard to whole heartedly believe in things that I cannot concretely define or see.  God is one of those things and sharing that is such a hard thing for me to do because I feel disloyal, ashamed, and cowardly.  I think the small difference is that I want to believe. I so badly want to give up my fear to something that is larger than me so that I can live my life and face my inevitable death without worry.  I have found it incredibly difficult to began a walk of faith because there is so much negativity around discussing God or church or faith.  In my adult life, I have witnessed my peers mock church and God countless times and I have been suckered into it.  I don’t know why though… fear of missing out or not getting picked for kickball?!  Why is it so easy to mock the faithful but so socially terrifying to discuss our faith or ideals?   I think this post is my cry for help to the universe.  I feel ready.  I feel open to new possibilities and accepting that I will not know all the secrets of this world even though I may want to.  I am nervous to begin a walk of faith but mainly just because I don’t want to fail.  I don’t want to say all of this (things that I haven’t really even admitted to those closest to me) and six months down the road still feel the missing piece.  For those of you that are loyally faithful… where did you begin on your journey?  Do you have any suggestions for someone relatively new on their walk?


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